Death Hotel

I watched as a huge waterfall came roaring down over the sides of one of the tallest buildings in Montreal. I could clearly see it happening from my bedroom window. It looked like it would be enough of a torrent to engulf an entire street and flood the neighbourhood with poison.

Then the phone rang in my dream and I ran out of my room to answer it. When I got downstairs a certain lady I used to know was standing there holding the phone.

It appeared that she had removed most of her clothes. Her face was expressionless as she hung up the telephone and moved in close to press her body against me.

Posted by philip at 06:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I had the dream about Yelle again. The one where she’s reclining on a red heart-shaped bed and waiting for me to arrive.

But what Yelle doesn’t know is that her room has been bricked up behind a wall of the hotel. And even if I could find her, there’s no way I could get to her, not unless the dream world decides to bless me with a cock that doubles as a pneumatic drill.

And she’s lonely, and she’s waiting for me, and her vibrator batteries are starting to run out.

Posted by philip at 03:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I was walking through the food court in Scotia Square in Halifax. It was lunchtime and the place was crowded.

I got the sense that someone was watching me. A woman, halfway across the courtyard.

I kept walking towards her and it was a little difficult to be casual about the fact that we were staring straight at each other. She was tall and slender, with green eyes, short blonde hair and a green dress.

I stopped beside her table and glanced down at her, looked away and then looked back at her again.

"Hi," she said.

"Hello."

She was smiling. "I'd like to sleep with you tonight."

Her statement took me by surprise. Pleasantly.

The thing is, she had me. I'd been blatantly checking her out and there was no chance of playing it cool or elusive in this situation.

So I clicked my tongue and smiled back and said: "Yes."

The scene changed and the two of us were at some dimly-lit, smoky bar. I was standing a little ways off while she engaged in a heated argument with another man.

Two things dawned on me at once. First of all, this man was her boyfriend. Or at least he thought of himself as such, and didn't seem too thrilled about changing his mind.

Second of all, he was Ozzy Osbourne. A young Ozzy, only about 23 or 24. She kept calling him "John."

Ozzy was being very insistent. He was getting in close to her, trying to grab her shoulders and turn her around to face him.

She kept saying, "No, John."

After a while of this, I walked up to her and hooked my fingers around her arm. I leaned over and said softly, "Hey. C'mere."

We walked away together and did not look back. And that is how I stole Ozzy Osbourne's hot girlfriend.

I understood why she'd been so forward in the food court. There's nothing like a lady on the rebound.

Then I dreamed that we went back to my place and I undressed her and pushed her down on my bed and did whatever I wanted with her.

I woke up this morning in quite a state.

Posted by philip at 09:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Sometimes my dreams are like a pornographic movie theater of the mind.

I dreamed I was hanging out with a certain lady... We'd been at a bar but we left to go outside. We were sitting beside a building underneath the fire escape.

We were touching each other, light touches. I ran my fingers through her hair. She stroked my thigh, squeezed it.

We were totally hot for each other. It seemed as though we were hidden enough from the street that probably not many people passing by would be able to see us. Without warning she whipped off her t-shirt. All she was wearing underneath was a thin little tank top.

I took her waist in my hands and pulled her close to me, lifted up her top and started licking and sucking her breasts. Then we were naked, she was lying on her back and I was licking her pussy. She was moaning and writhing all around. We were on a couch that had just somehow appeared underneath this fire escape.

Finally we just had to get out of there. We decided to head back to her place.

No sooner had we gotten all our clothes back on, than her friend popped out from around the corner. "Hi guys! Whatcha doin'?"

Her friend proceeded to sit down on the couch with us and start making all kinds of casual small talk.

Meanwhile, our legs were shaking because we wanted to fuck so bad.

~ Different dream. Different lady. We were fooling around in a park. We were hidden away behind a little brick building, and we decided that we were going to have sex, right there, outdoors in plain daylight.

I tore open a condom wrapper. The condom was already half-unrolled, which was strange. I got it onto the end of my cock and then I noticed it had cat hair all over it.

I had somehow gotten some of the cat hair all over my chest and arms as well. At first I tried to be nonchalant and brush it away. But it wasn't brushing away too easily.

Finally I stopped and looked at my lady.

She looked down at the hair-covered condom and said, "Yeah, like I'm really gonna stick that in me."

I said, "Hold on a minute. I'll go clean this up."

The bathroom was in another brick building across the park. I picked up my clothes, but I didn't put them on. Instead I carried them and ran across the park barefoot while doing the naked-man crouch.

I got to the bathroom and tried to open the door but it was locked. "Occupied," someone yelled from inside.

I held my clothes in a bundle in front of me and did the naked-man dance.

Posted by philip at 01:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm working on an assembly line with a bunch of guys who all look the same.

They're all clones from the carpet factory. They were sent over because the original humans kept quitting the assembly line. In fact, I'm the only real human left in the whole plant. Everyone else is one of these carpet factory guys that roam around like zombies.

It occurs to me that they're only keeping me around because they're planning to eat my brain and turn my body into a rug. I'm trying to think of ways to get out of there.

Apparently there is some legal technicality that will allow me to kill all the clones. Something like, they can legally be suffocated, but not poisoned. Or is it the other way around? I'm trying my hardest but I can't remember.

Then the dream changes and I'm having a whole bunch of sex with a married woman in the back seat of someone's car.

Posted by philip at 03:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I dream I'm drinking tea with a woman. We're sitting in a log cabin that's also a fancy apartment in the city.

She's telling me about how she hates her name, which is Edith. I'm trying to tell her that Edith is an ancient name, a beautiful name, and no one in the 21st century should be able to give her any crap about her name. I'm being very passionate about this, mostly because I want to bang her so bad.

Then she stands up and opens up her robe and shows me her body and it is stunning, utterly spectacular. A huge cloud of butterflies comes flying out of her robe and engulfs my body. All the butterflies turn into bits of coloured tinfoil and chocolate kisses that rain down all around me.

Then I'm down on my hands and knees in a tastefully-lit car showroom. It's nighttime and I'm the only person in the whole place.

I can't leave the showroom because I'm locked in, so I climb into the back seat of a Mercedes and curl up into a little ball.

Posted by philip at 11:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I got to dream that I was a helicopter pilot. It was cool!

I had a weird flash where I knew I was dreaming and I could do whatever I wanted. So I flew to Paris and buzzed around the Eiffel Tower looking at fashion models through a telescope.

Some dude in a hot air balloon was yelling at me in French. I just sort of ignored him. Then the whole "this is a cool dream and I'm in complete control" part went out the window, when he stood up and he was aiming a rocket-propelled grenade launcher at me.

The whirling blades of the helicopter transformed into a buzzing blender. I was sitting at the counter of a small-town diner where I had just ordered a chocolate milkshake.

The waitress put the metal milkshake container down in front of me. I looked inside and it was full of little crawling baby mice.

Posted by philip at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I dreamed I was having sex with these two hot Polish girls. They were smiling the whole time, like BIG smiles, with teeth. It was a bit unnerving.

Then the dream changed and I was lying on the top shelf of a bookshelf, all scrunched up into this shelf, ten feet above the floor.

It was in the back of some ancient used bookstore. An elderly lady was browsing through the store while carrying a bunch of helium balloons. She was down on the floor right below me and the balloons were tickling my nose.

I didn't want her to know I was there because I was afraid she would start asking me a bunch of questions.

Posted by philip at 09:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I had trouble sleeping last night. I was way too horny. Finally I dozed off and dreamed I was in Brazil making out on a couch with a beautiful Brazilian woman.

She asked me if Canadian women enjoyed sex. I didn't know what to make of the question so I said, "They sure do." She looked surprised, which I couldn't really figure out.

Then we were naked and I was licking her pussy. I remember noticing that the room we were in had a pink ceiling.

Then I was fucking her from behind and squeezing her big tits and pulling her hair, only we had to be super-quiet because a bunch of digital animators were having some sort of wrap party in the next room.

Posted by philip at 07:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last night I dreamed I met Kate Moss. She was dressed all in beige and looked like a ten-year-old computer. I can't remember if we had sex in my dream. I'm thinking probably.

Posted by philip at 11:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm dressed up as a snowman. I have these white furry pants on with a fluffy little white tail. I have a real carrot for a nose. The costume is filthy.

I'm walking through a shopping mall in East Saint John. There's a woman sitting at the kiosk with an older lady.

I take off my carrot nose and hand it to the younger woman. She looks at her grandmother, who nods. Then she takes a bite out of the carrot.

Posted by philip at 10:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I dreamed I was lying in bed with a beautiful woman. But I had to get up early and leave because it was sabre-tooth tiger hunting season in Gaspereau Forks.

I walked through the woods, carrying my crossbow. I was looking for tracks, broken twigs, a sign.

The sabre-tooth tiger was very elusive but I knew I would find it.

Posted by philip at 09:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)